2018.07.01   |  

Dear Friend, Thank You and Goodbye

I feel betrayed by you, but I also understand this is your current truth,
You have been raised to accept taboos,
I’m not one to judge, I wasn’t in your position,
I was never hit and threatened or put in physical harm as a condition.

I was emotionally neglected and misunderstood,
And left to fend for myself, too early in childhood,
Our demons are different, and so are our needs for safety,
Yours resonates with the need to keep the peace and to belong, mainly.

Mine is to be heard, those needs not met,
And when I’m dismissed, I feel it as a threat.
But how are you going to deal with your need to please?
I recant- it doesn’t matter, we are all on our journeys, at varying degrees.

I can accept where you are, but I don’t want to be close,
Since being near you will leave me too exposed,
I appreciate your insights and cherish the past,
But as I heal more, I realize some things just don’t last.

We connected at a point when I was desperate, sad and lonely,
And you were one of the people to hear me so closely,
What attracted you into my world, is what repels me today,
Your need to keep everyone is what keeps me away.

Is it my ego that’s hurt? that I don’t feel close to you?
The answer is no, it’s the lack of discernment for what’s true,
How does that impact me? Why should I care?
When you allow everyone in, there is no out there.

Boundaries become loose and lines become crossed,
And trust, respect, loyalty, are necessities lost,
A flirt is a touch, a gesture becomes manipulation,
And when you’re lonely and they’re sad there’s room for false causation.

You may even refuse, but initially open the door,
Sometimes people are weak and our empty hearts call for more,
Should I not trust my partner to have more integrity?
Yes of course, but that doesn’t exclude my friendships from having the same equity.

You have your responsibility as a loyal and trustworthy friend,
That means your actions, you’re responsible for, and that’s on your end,
You can keep whoever close, that’s completely your lifestyle,
But I see fundamentals, I can no longer reconcile.

For a while, I’ve been questioning your integrity and intention,
It’s the values subconsciously ingrained, and your actions are a reflection,
For a while, I’ve been noticing you skirt this line,
These are common things you do, I just didn’t see the signs.

I needed your insights, your love and acceptance,
I didn’t see before, I put aside, ignored, these holes and ineptness,
Maybe one day I’ll be more loving toward you,
But I need time away for my healing to ensue.

Thank you for your love and all the lessons,
Goodbye, Dear Friend, I’ll always recall your loving presence.