When we are alone, we can either experience it as solitude or loneliness.
Solitude is being alone, but we are in a positive, peaceful and constructive state where we enjoy the time we have by ourselves.
Loneliness, however, is a negative feeling when we are and feel disconnected from ourselves and those around us. We can feel lonely when alone, in a group, with friends or with our partner.
The relationship we have with ourselves is the most important relationship we’ll ever have. The internal love and stability we have cultivated within sets the tone for the relationship we’ll have with others. How deep those relationships will be, respectful, accepting, honest, forgiving, compassionate, and loving.
“Seeking a relationship when we are lonely is like going to the grocery store hungry. We’ll end up with lots of ready-to-eat junk food but little to make a wholesome and healthy meal.”
– Aimee Pugao
When we look for someone to fill our feelings of loneliness, we can unintentionally set ourselves up to further heartache or we can be the ones to hurt other people. If we’re afraid to be alone, chances are we’ve allowed people into our lives who were not the best for us. They could have taken advantage of us, have been manipulative, or even emotionally and physically abusive.
If we sought company to keep us from feeling lonely, we at one time or another participated in using others, perhaps unintentionally and inadvertently. We could have been the manipulative ones, so they would continue being part of our lives.
When we are fulfilled within, comfortable with ourselves, and feel at peace in being alone, we are in a state of solitude. Being alone becomes refreshing, an opportunity to replenishes ourselves, view situations from another perspective, and hear our inner voice with greater clarity.
When we are comfortable with solitude, we naturally become resilient. If a family member or our partner betrays us, leaves us, or no one loves us back, we’re not devastated by their behaviour or the loss. We know intellectually and emotionally that their actions are about their journey and do not determine our worth.
When we are comfortable with who we are we are also willing to be without if what’s presented is not good for our evolution. If our needs aren’t being met by a partner or loved one, we can create distance or if need be, discerningly choose to no longer be in a close or intimate relationship with that person. We don’t blame people for their behaviour or take it on as if we could have changed it, but rather are thankful for their previous close presence and can move on.
When we have reconciled ourselves to the prospect of being okay with being in solitude, that is the space that brings about greater peace and self-love. When we feel complete on our own we attract those that feel the same about themselves. When we’re comfortable with being by ourselves, we allow healthy people and situations into our world.
Your vibe attracts your tribe.
We don’t need to be around others to provide a distraction from ourselves, but rather want to be around people for who they are. We also will believe that we are worthy to have such quality company.
The concepts of Toxic Masculinity and Toxic Feminity are the stereotypical gendered norms, such as “boys will be boys,” “real men don’t cry,” “men don’t discuss their feelings,” “women should be polite and passive,” or “a women’s desirability is based on youth and external appearance.”
The concept of the ego can be traced back to Sigmund Freud in the Psychoanalytic Theory of Personality (1923). Freud described the personality as comprised of three elements: the id, the ego, and the super-ego.
Anger is a potent emotion and does have the possibility to be very destructive. It needs to be honoured and acknowledged in a manner that promotes growth, productivity and healing, and when it’s time to let go.